Fallen between the cracks.

I am a strong person. But sometimes, weakness come outs and it blindsides you. I really have no inspirational message for this blog entry because I’m in the midst of that weakness attacking me. Slowly, anxiety and fear will painstakingly creep into your life, and it won’t take a particular aspect. You just feel the overwhelming emotions building inside. Your walls-walls built up of courage and strength can crumble down in hours. Or even minutes. I don’t know why it happens, or why I tend to get sad out of nowhere. My emotions have no precedences, so the idea of happiness always ranking over sadness is illogical. Somehow, I will reacquire a sense of security. Until then, I continue to drown in my brainwork. Regaining my sense of actual self-depiction will be challenging because I can’t even remember charactistics of what makes me myself. 
  Who am I? 

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The New Me

This summer has really made me realize that there’s more to life than sitting by and waiting for someone or for something to happen. I’ve made myself happy for once. Going into this summer, I never imagined it would turn out like this. I’ve gone out with my  friends and made memories that will last a lifetime. From laughing away at bonfires to getting stuck in my jeep in the middle of nowhere, you could definitely say I’ve made this summer one for the books. I even landed my first job. I’ve found myself in ways I’d never imagined. I guess all it took was the little time of being lost  to realize all of the opportunities I missed and that itself made me determined to make these two months count. I feel so full of life and refreshed. My once tattered, torn, withered soul has been rejuvenated by the happiness and joy I’ve experienced. I go back to school next week, and I’ll be going back with an open mind. Take some risks and go out to that party that you’d normally miss and cut loose with friends for a change. You are only a teenager once, so make it count. Don’t regret not having fun in high school because this time is all about figuring out who you are and making mistakes along the way. When you start living instead of observing, you also begin to start loving the most important thing……your life.

Unsolved

Question-

“Are you as really as happy as you are pretending to be?”

Answer-

“Faking being happy is going to take a lot of energy. If you really feel it is necessary and can manage it, then fine, but don’t exhaust yourself for others. It’s not worth it. Expressing happiness should not take any effort, it comes naturally.”

My Answer-

I have trouble answering this because I struggle with emotions. I bottle stuff up and keep it to myself. It’s better to smile than for people to ask why I frown. Is it being true to myself? -No. Is it better than showing my true self? -Yes. Is my opinion the right opinion? -You decide. 

“But behavior in the human being is sometimes a defense, a way of concealing motives and thoughts, as language can be a way of hiding your thoughts and preventing communication.” –Abraham Maslow

Opening-up but also closed-off

self-es-teem 

noun

confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self respect.

Recently, all that I can think about is “what am I worth?”. I want to be someone that matters. I want my thoughts and words to be understood and appreciated. In writing this post, the key I keep hitting is the backspace. I can’t define the person I am in words. I could go on and on about the person I want to be in the future or the person I was in the past, but as of right now, I don’t know who I am.

“Men go abroad to wonder at the heights of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motions of the stars, and they pass by themselves without wondering.”-Saint Augustine

Beautiful Disaster 

She’s is a hurricane whose wind rips through your heart.
She’s a forest fire burning blindly, engulfing everything in flames.
She’s a riddle that can never be solved.
She’s always the problem. Always the cause.
She shows up as radiant as sunshine.
Her flaws are black as night.
She is always in a raging battle.
Her mind is always in a fight.
She hates herself for what she does. She hates herself what what she didn’t do.
She hates herself for most things.
You would too.
You get too close, and you get intoxicated on the promises.
You drown yourself with her.
She no longer feels.
For she once loved, and was killed.
She is me. 
I am we.
Nothing but scars and fading memories.

Penny for my thoughts

in·spi·ra·tion
ˌinspəˈrāSH(ə)n/
noun
  1. 1
    the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.
    Every now and then, we all need inspiration somewhere in our lives. I love quotes. Just simple little sayings that really motivate me or make me feel happy. Here are a few of my favorite quotes and the reasoning behind them. 
    “All that is gold does not glitter”- J.R.R. Tolkien
    This is actually an excerpt from a poem from Lord of the Rings. I interpreted it as to not judge a person by what they seem. Outward appearance is deceptive. If a person lies for greed to make themselves appear to be an honest man, a leader, they have a soul as black as coal. But the honest man is quiet and not boastful-he is gold without the glitter. 
    “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”- Winston Churchill 

    In life, we all face challenges and how we handle these challenges are what makes your character. Failure is not fatal. In fact, failure is a part of everyday life. You just have to keep going despite of how hard it may be. You have to stand up and keep going. 

    “The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”- Steve Maraboli

    Everyone messes up. Everyone does. So just face the fact and embrace your flaws. If something doesn’t turn out the way you want it, just let it go because that is just one opportunity. There are tons of doors waiting to be opened, you just have to be willing to start turning the handles. 

    “Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.”-Muhammad Ali

    Truly and honestly, my friends get me through the hardest times of my life. They are always there no matter what. They stick through thick and thin and even if we have a fight every now and then, we always know how to get over it. I’m eternally grateful for my friends and I have so much respect for them. Friendship is something to cherish a lifetime. 


    “Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake.”-Henry David Thoreau

     


    Our best, most honest life is when we are living our dreams, doing what we want to do or have always dreamt of doing. If we are trying to put up a facade, who are we really pleasing? Not ourselves. We all need to be true to what we want and go after it. In the end, would you rather be miserable and appear happy, or would you want to radiate with joy? 

     

Valued or not

val·ued
ˈvalyo͞od/
adjective 
considered to be important or beneficial; cherished. 
How would you want your daughter to be treated? The problem with relationships in today’s time is that girls are always settling. You should never settle to be treated just “good enough”. All guys should know that women are crucial to every aspect of life. Without women, how could we procreate? Since women are so important, why are some settling for a guy that does a mediocre job of fulfilling their needs? Every boyfriend, fiancé, and husband should treat their significant other like they actually admire her. Nowadays, the most romantic gesture is being someone’s WCW on Instagram. Where is the romance in this century? All women want to know their value and significance, so boys, why not give the ladies what they want? We aren’t asking for all the fortunes of the land. We are looking for small gestures that show your appreciation of us. Maybe a sweet, caring letter or a flower picked from the roadside. Just a little something to brighten our day. I am a firm believer in romance. And sadly, it’s dead. I have let myself become accustomed to the “it will be better tomorrow” or “he really didn’t mean that” cycle in relationships and to be honest, I’m just sick of it. If someone can’t appreciate my love and affection toward them today, then why do they deserve it tomorrow? Nobody-male or female deserves to be treated as an option. Everyone has their own worth, and if someone tries to make you doubt yours then I’m sorry, but it’s time to explore new waters. Recently, some things have happened to me personally, and I’m not happy about it, but in the end, there’s always sunshine after rain. I had the feeling like I was not good enough. Truth be told, I might not have been good enough to one person, but someday I will find that guy that treats me like I am the world to him. I want to be with someone who’s sees the real me. Someone who makes me laugh and smile, someone who knows my secrets and embraces my flaws, and someone who never judges despite the circumstances because I will be perfect in their eyes. Maybe I am just a silly high school girl with a far-fetched imagination, but at least I know exactly how I deserve to be treated. 

Be bold enough to use your voice,

brave enough to listen to your heart,

and strong enough to live the life you’ve always imagined.

—Author unknown